Well, I'm blasted beyond all comprehension on Sam Adams and have absolutely not a goddamned other thing to do, so I decided that now would be a good time to set the fuse on this time wasting, yet nonetheless entertaining blog, which will somehow manage to suck the otherwise useless refuse of free time in my life left in the wake of World of Warcraft. In fact, to be perfectly frank, I don't even see this blog progressing beyond this first post, the upcoming expansion pack release considered.
The object of this blog will be, as the title indicates, to write reviews of random objects of entertainment I come into contact with within my life which are based wholly upon my own arbitrary observations, however uninformed (or informed, in some rare cases) they may be in regards to comparison with other similarly categorized entertainment options.
My initial impulse was to make my first review revolve around rappers, wastes of space and rotten, festering beasts which send modern culture spiraling into oblivion that they are, but in light of my drunken laziness, I'm going to default to the first object at hand... For those of you too dull to figure out what it is yet, it's the Sam Adams in my hand, you worthless shit, you...
Tonight, I sampled a broad range (or at least a broader range than I typically simple in any single given night) of Sam Adams brews, and so I feel that I can comment on variances in flavor and quality comparatively without any fear of self-reprisal. Well, except for the fact that I lied and I'm too lazy to write detailed reviews of each brew and so will simply write about Sam Adams in general.
One of my favorite aspects of the Sam Adams brand is its wonderful team of writers; I mean, honestly, they can make a bottle of beer sound as epic as the fucking Iliad when you've reached the point of slight intoxication which gives way to slight swaying and, more importantly, greater receptiveness to propositions. I mean, honestly, I've just read the label on this bottle of Sam Adams Brown Ale, and I would put the lives of my entire family on the line that if I were to go and grab another bottle of a different variety from the fridge, I would read its label and become so impressed that I would want to induce vomiting to get this shit out of my body because no beer could possibly compare to the epic greatness that is the most recent Sam Adams brew which I've read the label of.
In a general sense of the flavor of the brand, the poetic writing team is justified in its colorful descriptions, as it truly is the smoothest, best-tasting beer I've had yet. I offer my compliments to Jim Kosch (whose signature seems to make appearances on the packaging as frequently as grafitti does on train boxcars), as his Sam Adams brand has a very uniquely and wonderfully bitter flavor with the potency of the hops which he incorporates into it. What I would chastise Mr. Kosch for is the fact that he is comparable to a small child with a chemistry set who continually keeps attempting to produce new concoctions by randomly dumping assorted chemicals into the same base concoction. Certainly, it is a wonderful commodity to be able to boast twenty-one varying brews, but half of them taste like variations the original Boston Lager and the other half taste like a delicious Boston Lager, the flavor of which lingers only in the background as it is overpowered by the hodgepodge of other ingredients which cause it to taste like... Say... Densely brewed coffee, or a powerfully potent cherry cough drop.
In short, I highly recommend that you select a Sam Adams as the next beer which you drink, but I would also recommend that you pray to your gods that whatever brew you select happens to be one of those which were created before Jim Kosch apparently lost his mind...
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